Talking with the Identity Thief

In the last week, I have gone to the library every afternoon to check my new Facebook for messages. Yesterday, my identity thief finally replied! She wrote:

“Hello Ms. Loredan! First, let me start by saying I never intended to use the alias of a real person for my class project. I thought you were purely fictional! We were to chose an alias for our class blog and you were my favorite character in my favorite book, which is why I am using your identity. I had no idea you were actually real! And believe me when I say that I would never destroy a book out of malicious intent. You see, my class just read Fahrenheit 451, a book by Ray Bradbury that deals with the destruction of books. For our project, we were to destroy our own copy and write an artist’s statement discussing how we felt about it. Perhaps you should look at my project for yourself? Maybe then you will know my intentions were good.”

Sarah sent me two files: a video and an artist’s statement. Despite my better judgement, I looked at them both. It was painful to watch that poor book get destroyed (and I could only think of my own copy safe at home!) but now I understand where this student is coming from. I feel much better knowing my identity is only being used for a school project – the price I pay for letting that woman write about me all those years ago! Although, I must say it’s nice to hear I’m someone’s favorite character!

More on the identity thief…

I am not a fan of technology. All of these new gadgets and thingamajigs are just too confusing. I still haven’t gotten a mobile phone yet. What’s the use? It’s not as if I’m calling people on a regular basis! I much prefer the old way we used to do things. Things are just too fast and too modern for my taste. Anyway, sometimes I have to get over myself – like for that online auction I mentioned last time. While I try to avoid it, sometimes technology can be useful.

Like with this identity thief situation. I went to the library to use one of the computers there and did a Google search (yes, I know what Google is). There were only two possible Sarah Goodnough’s out there and one of them is an artist in Oregon. The other Sarah is on Facebook (yes, I know what that is, too – I’m not that old). My mysterious pen-pal said that the identity thief is a college student, and this Sarah claims to be a student at the University of Mary Washington. This must be the culprit!

Unfortunately, one must have a Facebook in order to send a message. While I would never in a million years, under ordinary circumstances anyway, join “social media,” I again had to get over myself. “It is for the greater good, Elinor!” I told myself, and that is how I ended up with my very own Facebook page.

I sent a curt message to the book-destroyer, saying, “No one steals Elinor Loredan’s identity, especially not to destroy books! Explain yourself or I’ll be forced to alert the authorities.”

We’ll see what the little brat has to say for herself!